Why I will speak openly with my kids about my suicide attempt

This topic has been on my mind for a while now.  When I attempted suicide last February, thankfully, my kids were too young to know what was going on.  And thankfully, they've experienced enough with my chronic illnesses that they are compassionate and loving and fully aware that mommy is sometimes (a lot of times) sick. 

Because they are still too young to talk about chronic depression and suicide, a lot of people would say "just don't tell them." But that's not me.  I've spoken openly about my chronic depression and my suicide attempt.  I won't shut my kids out. 

I will talk about it because I want my kids to know that it had nothing to do with them.  It had nothing to do with me not wanting to be their mom, but had everything to do with me not wanting to be anything for anyone.  

I will talk about it because I want them to know that depression is nothing to be ashamed of.  It's nothing that you have to keep a secret.  And that sometimes talking about it actually makes it better.

I will talk about it because I need them to know that I can't promise I will never get to that place again.  That place where I feel suicidal.  But, I need them to know that I will always do everything in my power to NOT get to that place.  To recognize the warning signs.  To reach out.  To always take my medicine. 

I will talk about it because I know how lucky I am to still be here.  How lucky I am to still get to be their mom. 

I will talk about it because I need them to know that people can be that sick and get better.  That it won't always be that bad. 

Most of all I will talk about it because it needs to be discussed.  Suicide and depression are very real.  And even if other people don't understand it, it's real. It's real. And we have to talk about it.

So no.  I will not keep my depression and suicide attempt a secret from my children.